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The CARES Act of 2020: “Tall, Dark, or Handsome” and “Tall, Dark, and Handsome” in one bill

There is a big difference between someone who is tall, dark, and handsome – he is all three of those things – and a guy who is tall, dark, or handsome – he is one of those things. Unfortunately, the new Special Inspector General for Pandemic Recovery is the Congressional version of tall, dark, or handsome, and their peers – the Executive Director and Deputy Executive Director of the Pandemic Response Accountability Committee – are the Congressional versions of tall, dark, and handsome. Although Congress didn’t take my pre-passage advice to spruce up the SIGPR (there wasn’t time, apparently), we can still hope that they are as polished as their PRAC peers.

In an article I wrote in August 2019 titled  “Lessons Learned as a BSA Officer – 1998 to 2018” I covered nine topics:

  1. All the Cooks in the AML Kitchen aka Stakeholders
  2. All the Resources Available to You
  3. The 5 Dimensions of Risk – Up, Down, Across, Out, and Within
  4. FinTech versus Humans
  5. The 7 Cs – What Makes a Good Analyst/Investigator
  6. Tall, Dark and Handsome – Words and Punctuation Matter!
  7. SMEs v SMEs – Subject Matter Experts vs Subject Matter Enthusiasts
  8. Is Transaction Monitoring a Thing of the Past?
  9. The Importance of Courage

I thought of topic 6 – Tall, Dark and Handsome – the morning I read the Coronavirus Aid, Relief, and Economic Security Act (CARES Act) bill that the Senate and House were then negotiating. Back in 2019 I wrote the following:

Tall, Dark, and Handsome – Words (especially adjectives and adverbs) and punctuation matter!

    1. Write simply and clearly

“We know all too well that drugs are killing record numbers of Americans – and almost all of them come from overseas.”  Former AG Jeff Sessions, August 2018 speech

This is a good example of a poorly written sentence that is begging for clarity. The phrase “almost all” means very little: at least 51% and less than 100%. Second, do “almost all” drugs come from overseas, or do almost all Americans come from overseas? And finally, Mexico is the source country for 90% – 94% of heroin entering the US, and the final transit country for 90% of the cocaine entering the US. Mexico isn’t actually overseas from the US.

    1. Use Adjectives and Adverbs Sparingly, if at all

Most modifiers are unnecessary. Whether necessary or not, as a risk professional you should be very aware of both your use of adjectives and adverbs, and when reading others’ use of adjectives and adverbs. When confronted with any modifier, ask yourself (i) why is that modifier being used? (ii) is it being used correctly? (iii) does it change the meaning of the sentence in a way that is unintended? (iv) is it being used consistently with other modifiers? And (v) could it limit or prevent us in the future?

    1. Watch out for Red Flag Words and Phrases

Intended, Primarily, Pilot, Agile Development, shall versus may, Artificial Intelligence, Machine Learning

Special Inspector General for Pandemic Recovery

Section 4018 of the CARES Act calls for the appointment of a new Special Inspector General for Pandemic Recovery. This appears to be a position similar to the TARP (Troubled Assets Relief Program) Inspector General position created after the 2007-2009 economic crisis to manage the TARP monies distributed to banks, the auto companies, and other businesses.

(I’ll point out that, just as the DMV’s vanity license department checks that proposed vanity license plates aren’t offensive, I’m sure someone in the Congressional Research Acronym Program Office checked the title for possible embarrassments. In this case, SIGPaR is much preferable to, say, Pandemic Inspector General.)

What is the federal government looking for in its new Special Inspector General for Pandemic Recovery? As seen from the screen shot of the section in the bill, “the nomination of the Special Inspector General  shall be made on the basis of integrity and demonstrated ability in accounting, auditing, financial analysis, law, management analysis, public administration, or investigations.”

To put it another way, the nomination shall be made on the basis of two things: (i) integrity, and (ii) demonstrated ability in either accounting or auditing or financial analysis or law or management analysis or public administration or investigations.

Prior to the passage of the Act, I suggested that Congress change “or” to “and” on line 8 of section 4018(b). As I wrote in my original article (published March 26th, the day vefore the bill was signed into law), “It would be great if we had a Special Inspector General for Pandemic Recovery who exhibited integrity and demonstrated ability in accounting, auditing, financial analysis, law, management analysis, public administration, and investigations. She’ll need all of those attributes to do her job, I expect.”

Unfortunately, Congress didn’t take up my suggestion.

And oddly enough, pursuant to section 15010(c)(3)(B)(ii) of the CARES Act, two other critical oversight positions created by the Act – the Executive Director and Deputy Executive Director of the Pandemic Response Accountability Committee – shall:

“(I) have demonstrated ability in accounting, auditing, and financial analysis;

(II) have experience managing oversight of large organizations and expenditures; and

(III) be full-time employees of the Committee.”

 There you have it: the legislative equivalent of “tall, dark, or handsome” (the Special Inspector General) and “tall, dark, and handsome” (the Executive Director and Deputy Executive Director of the Pandemic Response Accountability Committee) in one Bill. Yikes!